The Burden of Unwarranted Responsibility
So yes, I haven’t talked at all about the upcoming 5.4 changes, mostly because I’ve been trying to get my character back up to par and playable in the current patch. I finally took a moment yesterday to peek at what’s changing with shammies in 5.4 and
/froth at mouth
Not really. I mean it stinks that they’re nerfing both of my damage cool downs (indirectly nerfing ascendance by nerfing lava burst), but it is what it is. My dps isn’t anything to write home about, so now it’ll be 10% less to write home about, and less writing sounds like less work, so that’s good for everyone, right?
Seriously, though, I’m a bit disappointed only because I was finally at least feeling comfortable with my output, and now it’s going to be lower. I usually do well enough, I guess, but I don’t want to feel like I’m under scrutiny nor like I’d be better off healing or tanking, which brings me to the actual point of this correspondence.
I benched myself again on Monday, with some disagreement from the officers, who were heartily encouraging me to at least roll to see if I got to go. Here’s the thing, though, and I told them the same: I’m not going to take a spot from someone who’s been busting hump to get bosses down for months. I’m an upstart, honestly, showing up at the end of a patch cycle under-geared and ignorant to boss mechanics. I’m in no position to take a spot from someone who’s ground through the early bosses to make them “on farm” for upstarts like me. Only a new patch and new content can change that, only me getting in on the ground floor of a raid and doing the grinding myself. That time will come, I know, so I’m perfectly at peace with the bench.
But. There’s always a but. But the same problem is showing up each Monday: there’s not enough tanks. WELLLLLLlllllllll… those of who who’ve been around know that I’ve always been a tank at heart, that I often played tank-accessible classes, and that my main for a majority of the game – everything except ICC and now – has been a paladin tank, Paladi. So it’s only natural that I’d start to think… things.
Dark things, honestly. Things about switching mains to a more useful role. There’s a lot of baggage with that, though, because juggling multiple characters has often lead to me burning out. So when we boil down past the classes, what I’m really debating is do I want to put myself in a position that might lead to burn out?
Obviously the answer is no, but, then again… what if it doesn’t? What if I just shelve Iambic and move solely to playing Paladi. I’d miss the rest of this patch getting up to speed, but I could jump in next patch ready to go, providing a useful service.
But I see all those long hours of doing the same dailies again which, even at double speed thanks to the commendations, is still no small feat. Re-gearing, recapping valor week after week… I just don’t know.
I feel the burden of unwarranted responsibility, even though intellectually I know I shouldn’t. I’m new to the guild. I’m in no position to feel like I need to give back, yet. I’m in no position to feel like the guild needs my help. But it’s still there.
There’s extra factors. I was under the impression our guild would be flex raiding – something that was specifically mentioned to me by multiple people during the interview process, but one of the raid leaders on Monday said that the guild would not be doing flex. I’m not sure whether that was just someone talking nonsense or whether there was something to it, but if we’re not doing flex the “being benched is a temporary problem” thought is in error. I came back to raid, specifically, and not getting to raid 1/3rd of the time that I think I’m going to is really not acceptable long-term.
So, I’ve got to decide, hard and firm and finally, whether to stick with dps and potentially see the bench 1/3rd of the time, which if we don’t flex might be enough to drive me off, or to endanger my relationship with WoW by potentially spreading myself too thin by switching my mains.
More thought is needed.
Stubborn (and pondering, hard)