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Perfect Pitch

July 28, 2011

Dear Reader,

I want to thank everyone who jumped in after yesterday’s post to clarify, encourage, or agree.  I have been unhappy with the tone of the PvP conversation all along, and after saying so yesterday, all of you helped to bring the tone away from what I was so used to seeing back to a more intelligent, heartfelt discussion.

There were a lot of good points made.  While no one came out and said “Stubborn, you’re just getting into this, your lack of experience is a part of your problem,” a few of you did point out that it’s been said before, over and over again.  I’m sure that’s part of what contributes to the shorter, snippier comments that we often see.  When it’s the third of fourth time you feel like you’re writing the same thing, I can certainly understand it becoming a lot more “data driven” and a lot less written with audience persuasion in mind (god I sound like an English teacher).

On Cynwise’s site, he also replied to comment in a really thoughtful, polite manner.  It’s too long for me to justify re-posting it here, but the points he made were important in understanding his perspective.  He mentioned that he often felt under attack due to the tone of the care bears (my word, not his), so that he often felt he was writing defensively or, when provoked, offensively.  That certainly makes sense considering the inflammatory nature of the debate.

I know I’ve said all this before on other issues, but I think that a lot of our debates have more to do with how we say things than what we said.  I myself fell into it yesterday with the end of my post, when, while I never got as negative as some of the quotes Cynwise gave examples of, I did imply that PvPers were an unthinking, unfeeling bunch.  That was unfair of me, and I should have said that the comments I’ve read made me feel that way rather than make a blanket statement.  Though I’ve already used this line to it’s breaking point, chalk it up to my having a bad day.

I’m really impressed with all the responses I got, both here, on other sites, and in private as a result to my accusations of tone-deafness within the community on this topic.  It goes to show that if you don’t like the tone of something, you can work to change it instead of contributing to it.  While I’m sure that the next time a debate rages we’ll all be right back in the middle of it, I’m glad to see that there are a lot of people out there who do seek a middle ground, seek to understand, and can sympathize with the other side.  It reminds me of the best parts of blogging, that while we may not all agree, that doesn’t mean other opinions have to be met with disrespect.

So here’s to working towards the middle ground in the future.  Here’s to avoiding tone deafness, and instead looking for a perfect pitch.

Sincerely,

Stubborn (who apologizes for his overly-feel-good post.  Get John Hughes (RIP) out here)

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 28, 2011 4:22 pm

    *carebear hugs* 🙂

  2. July 29, 2011 5:08 am

    “becoming a lot more “data driven”

    You know, that is so SO often the case when debates go pear-shaped; I notice it for myself – very often I just assume certain things go without saying, or then I simply get right down to business (my WoTs are bad enough without lengthy preambles!). frankly, I’m also not constantly up to “tiptoe” around subjects and I’d like the reader to be “benevolent” enough to fill out the missing gaps for me. but that doesn’t work so well in more controverse discussions, especially not if people do not know each other very well. so it’s a question of measure and judgement, sometimes a few simple acknowledgements of the other side can go a very long way.

  3. July 29, 2011 9:09 am

    “I think that a lot of our debates have more to do with how we say things than what we said.”

    Amen to that!

    Stubborn, thank you for the nice discussion on the topic. I feel better having had it, and really do appreciate the attitude you’ve shown in your posts and comments.

    Thanks!

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