Surrealism – or – A Pleasant Change from the Past
We’ve talked before about how having a blog that one’s guild knows about creates a weird strain between facts and delivery. I’m not claiming I know whether it’s right or wrong, but without a doubt, knowing that the people I’m writing about will be reading what I have to say makes me much more careful about how I write things. It may in fact be a boon because it makes me that much more reflective about my messages. Then again, it may make me a small traitor to my own thoughts and feelings, to be writing for another and not myself.
I don’t claim to know, but it’s certainly an interesting situation compared to having a blog in secret. My first several guilds didn’t know I had a blog, and I felt safer that way. I was able to complain vehemently about tanks who backed off LK ledges and insane guild leaders whose hypocrisy regarding drama knew no bounds. And god knows that my previous guild experience, where the person who recruited me knew me through my blog, turned out to be a disaster. I didn’t know then how much I contributed to the problem versus how much the guild members did.
You may remember their attempt at starting a shouting match here, one I didn’t participate in. The fallout of that was that I was eventually blacklisted by both the GM and the person who recruited me, who dropped me from their bloglists and twitter. This sort of social isolation doesn’t phase me much; I endured far more personal forms of it throughout public school and I certainly don’t consider everyone I know on the Internet to be a close friend; that comes with time and familiarity. The final outcome of that, too, was that the problem people in the guild, the ones who came here to start up trouble, left the guild. They’d shown their true colors, so no one really trusted them any more. If only I could perfect a way to bust bullies without having to detonate all my relationships in the process.
That’s neither here nor there for today’s correspondence, though, but serves instead as the background of the surreal experience I had the other day. I admit I was a little nervous about Monday’s missive, as again I was writing about internal guild politics in which I wasn’t fully versed, but I wanted to have faith that the people involved were good people and both understood and valued my position.
I was right to do so. Apparently the concerns I voiced in our correspondence had already been discussed between the guild leader and the raid leader, so not only did my post not ruffle any feathers, for which I’m grateful, but it instead acted as a talking point to discuss future raid opportunities. Rather than shutting down communication, it opened it up. As I’ve written in the past, that’s the hope of many of my blog posts (that aren’t just whining about LFD), that they further conversation among others.
The one sort of uncomfortable and weird outcome was that I was apologized to about the whole thing, which I said then and will repeat now was completely unnecessary; I joined the guild for the conversation and flex raiding, and that’s precisely what I’ve gotten. That I’ve had the extra experience of a normal raid and even a few heroics now was just icing on the cake. It was uncomfortable because I’m never apologized to by people who are my equals or superiors in an organization. Really. It’s just not a position I find myself in with anyone but my wife, to whom I also apologize from time to time for my bad behavior.
So it was a bit surreal; not only had a post about my current guild not ended in trouble, but it actually ended in interesting and progressive discussion. That more than I think anything else has shown me that while I may not be a heroic raider, this guild of other heroic raiders is precisely where I want to be.
Stubborn (and comfortable)