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What Now?

May 28, 2014

Dear Reader,

As you know, I flit in and out of WoW quite a bit.  Speaking to a good WoW friend the other day, I was teasingly ribbed about how long this jaunt was going to last.  She hypothesized that, from what she’d observed, my WoW schedule was often in three-month blocks.  I agreed at the time, but, thinking about it since, I don’t know.  I think I’ve been “back” in WoW longer than three months already, and while I’m not as super-amped as I have been in the past, I’m still steadily playing, achieving goals, leveling characters, and lightly raiding with a group of people I really like.  So I’m not sure.  I seem pretty solid, for now, but as I’m fond of saying, only time will tell.

Alongside that, I got a message from a friend today that he’d decided to level another character in WoW.  I’m not really sure why, to be honest, but I’ll be glad to have him around, even if our actual time playing together is sparse.  He’s the guy my current NWN buddy Guild/Raid leader most reminds me of; he’s extremely smart, a sharp player, and, at times, brutally honest, sometimes missing – or perhaps simply ignoring – the impact of his delivery on audience.  That’s not to say either of them are “mean;” quite the opposite is true.  Both of them accept players of all calibers as friends and fellow raiders, but that doesn’t stop them from excelling and, at times, forgetting how hard it may be for others to do the same.

On that note, I have been considering for a while whether or not I wanted to try to be a “top end” raider next expansion again.  I’ve done it a few times; I was among the first on some of my previous servers to down various bosses now and then, among the upper tier but never at the very top.  I have a lot of reservations about it, though, chief among them my capability to deal with failure.  Ever since I left NY, my tolerance for my own repeated failures has gotten smaller and smaller, which drove me away from any “risky” raiding.  If I was unsure whether that was still true, my repeated failure on Iron Juggernaut a few weeks ago reaffirmed that; I don’t like being part of the problem and handled that failure very poorly.

Beyond that, I’m genuinely not sure that even at the top of my current game I’d be good enough for heroic any more.  There’s various people in the guild I’ve discussed this with, and they’ve all been encouraging, but there’s others I specifically haven’t discussed it with because I suspect I’d get a hard dose of reality.  To avoid any misunderstandings, I’m not referring to my NWN buddy there, but some of the other less outgoing guildies (though they’re all perfectly friendly, just some more hard-edged than others) who might not pull punches in discussing my capabilities.

So I’m really not sure, but I’m leaning towards “no” for now.  I’ve already committed to discussing it with the GL/RL at some point, but he’s been busy, as have I, what with the horror of the roof going on starting at about 6 a.m. every day, the search committee I’m on, and the house beginning to show again (since the new roof and price reduction have re-interested some people).  Heck, I haven’t played WoW in about 48 hours now, actually. which is longer than I’ve gone in a while.  I plan to log on right after finishing this post, though, and do a few leveling dungeons on my monk, which I think is on par with my expectations of levels over time, though the last few days have were lost.

Sincerely,

Stubborn (and about to log in)

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 29, 2014 3:37 am

    LOL what an astute friend. I’m sure she is glad your “visit” has turned into a more permanent fixture, for the moment :)

  2. Malchiah permalink
    May 31, 2014 4:22 am

    Long time listener, first time caller. :)

    I have a theory regarding your on-again, off-again interest in WoW.

    First, you are far too critical of your own abilities. You have been a great tank and an awesome healer, but perhaps occasionally mediocre as dps, according to your own estimation. Yet that’s still far better than I can claim for myself. My single tanking experience sucked and I can’t fathom the pressures healers go through for me to attempt that even once.

    My renowned tunnel-vision taught me early on to focus on what I was good at and I spent the better part of WoW striving to catch up to our friends in dps. I wasn’t really trying to be competitive. I merely viewed them as the standard by which I should measure myself. The challenge was whenever I got close (or god forbid outdid them on occasion), suddenly they’d act as though the universe imploded and they’d do everything possible to rectify the “imbalance.” It was very frustrating, but that is the mindset dps players have to work with. So any perceived lack of dps ability on your part probably says more about your play style and higher tolerance against peer pressure.

    All that aside, I enjoyed WoW the most when I had a lot of people to play with. I loved raiding the most, but more specifically, I loved raiding alongside friends. So when friends started dropping out over the years, my interest lessened considerably. Most tended to get bored with a raid by the time I was geared enough to go. (You were one of the few who tended to stick with it.)

    Eventually, my main motivation to log in (raiding with friends) didn’t align with the myriad other things everyone was doing. Then friends kept leaving the game or changing servers. (And pandas didn’t help, either.)

    Perhaps if you decide what you enjoy most about WoW, or why you started Sheep the Diamond, and focus more on that, your interest would return. At the moment, it seems as though you are trying to literally do everything possible. Collections, mounts, pet battles, leveling all possible classes, pvp, dailies, and running raids/dungeons (with healing, tanking, and dps) can easily overwhelm a casual player. I’d go insane myself.

    Perhaps Warlords of Draenor will be interesting enough for me to return myself, especially with the convenience of boosting to 90 and skipping Pandaria.

    As for my regrets, in no particular order:
    - Not noticing the drama in our guild early enough to help stop it.
    - Never doing Blackwing Lair, Naxx, Lich King or Deathwing.
    - Not sheeping the diamond on my first raid! ;)

    • May 31, 2014 2:32 pm

      You know, Malc, that if you pay for 1 mos. sub you can do ALL of those with Lonnie and I, probably within a few days of hitting 90. Just let me know (:
      As for your other observations, I find it likely you’re right. Being with the right people is certainly key.
      Thanks for the comment!

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